I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize