no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
