omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
