I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
