Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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