the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
