so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
