mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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