Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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