Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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