i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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