I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
