i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize