don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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