My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
