you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have feelings that need drinking.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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