Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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