I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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