If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
