Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
