Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
