Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
