please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
