he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
