Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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