i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
