That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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