the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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