In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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