my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
