The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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