I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
