piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
