You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
