I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You took a bar mat shot.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
