Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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