the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
