i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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