I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
