he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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