I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
