i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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