i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
