I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
