since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
