my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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