I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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