I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
