Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize