yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
