Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
