All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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