Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
