Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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