new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
