Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize