So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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