he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
