fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
