Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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