it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
