I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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