And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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