I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
