hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
