not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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