guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
