saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
