I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
