oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize