I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
