In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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