Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
