did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
