Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Found the puke drawer
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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