Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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