I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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