someone threw a dead crab at me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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