Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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