I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
