That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
