Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
