kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
