i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize