I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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