so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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