Do you still have your period?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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