if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
