Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
