I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize