She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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