This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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