dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize