she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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