I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
