Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
