Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
