Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
