I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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