i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
