My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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