Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
